Another Letter to the Daughter

Gerascophobia – fear of growing old!

In my early waking of the day, in the intolerably silent afternoons, in the abrupt sleepless midnights, I suffer from this: Gerascophobia – fear of growing old!

It’s not about my growing, it’s about yours! The cunning time has been adding years to your age.

And I suffer from Gerascophobia – fear of growing old!

Sometimes the fear of going away in future overrides the happiness of being together now.  When I know it’s useless to prepare myself to live without you, I start spending as much time as I can with you when you are with me! I know it’s madness, but how can love exist without such madness!

Dear daughter, I can sense; you are growing. The world will start drawing its images on the canvas of your mind. I cannot and do not want to stop it making its impression. All I try is make you judge when to let the world to paint on your canvas, what colours to retain and what to wash away!

As you grow, see the world through your own eyes! The world may call the nightingale ugly. Who knows!  Your eyes may sense the melody hidden inside and the bird may start looking beautiful! May your eyes hear beyond what the world tells you! Do not see the world through anyone’s eyes, including mine.

There is a hairline difference between being arrogant and being self-confident. Arrogance is thinking that ONLY you are right. Self-confidence is all about erasing that ‘only’.  

If you become popular by doing right things, that’s fantastic! But, if you are unpopular because you are right, if you have to choose between ‘being right’ and ‘being popular’, choose being right. You may encounter situations when people who are not right are popular. They are praised, rewarded and recognized. You may be tempted to follow their methods and their paths. I am not telling you to go against the world, but I’m telling not going against your conscience is more important.

Finding faults needs great observation. It can get you superiority over others.  It can fetch you respect. But remember, finding goodness needs blindness. The blindness towards bad, faults and shortage in everyone and everything. I want you to be a keen observer and also blind. Wisdom is all about what to observe and when to be blind.

Remember! Believing and doubting are not opposites, nor they are good and bad respectively. Doubting appropriately is better than believing blindly. Believing in hope is wiser than doubting unnecessarily. It’s all about differentiating what is emotional and what is intellectual. Let doubts do not spoil your emotions and let beliefs do not cover your intellect. Do not mix them wrongly.

Do not hesitate to contradict yourself. It is okay to change your ideas, change your thoughts, change your opinions as you grow. Today’s you need not be tomorrow’s you. It is only the stagnant water that does not change its place. That’s where mosquitoes lay eggs and spread diseases. Be a flowing river, picking up new ideas, thoughts, principles as you flow, as you grow. It needs great honesty accept the change. Question everyone! Question everything! Don’t forget to question yourself!

Always try to be happy. But remember that it is not the happiness that comes by hurting others, harming others and degrading others. Also remember that there is a difference between you hurting others and they getting hurt themselves. Do not care about the latter case. True happiness either blooms in yourself or it enters you when you make your loved ones happy.

Different people come in our lives: family, friends, colleagues and so on. There is nothing called ‘ideal relationship’. Keep the ‘I’ away and think ‘How ‘I deal’ with relationships?’ It is almost impossible to have uncompromised relationships. It is perfectly alright to walk a few steps towards those who are ready to walk a few steps towards us. But if you have to always walk towards them, better stop walking. Relationships should bring happiness. It hurts to depart, but it hurts even more to be together when there is no happiness.

Like traffic lights control how vehicles move on roads, you control how world should have its impact on you. Like we have GREEN-ORANGE-RED in traffic signal, create your own system of ACCEPT-IGNORE-BLOCK in your mind. Decide who and what are worth accepting, need ignoring and deserve blocking. Open your mind’s window for the fresh breeze and close it for the stinking smell. Don’t take every word of the world seriously. Most of it just deserves a laughter and moving on.

Do not be feel superior or inferior about what someone else has given. It may be your appearance, gender, religion, caste or anything alike.  Do not be so weak to use them to impress, influence or control others; they are not earned by you. It’s only your kindness and intellect that you should focus on. Do not even judge, love or hate others based on what they have received from others. When others see you, only a human being should appear to them. When you see others, only a human being should appear to you.

I wish you to be happy and try to make around you happy. I wish you to be kind without being exploited by others’ intelligence. I wish you to be intelligent that does not overtake your kindness. I want you to be right that doesn’t become weaker in front of the temptation of popularity.

When you read this letter one day, I want you to question, think, accept and reject whatever you want.

Do not grow so fast. Remember! I have Gerascophobia – fear of growing old!