All About Expectations

‘I didn’t expect this from you.’ – she said.
‘Well, you never told me what you expect.’- He was blunt.
‘I thought you would sense what I expect.’
 
The conversation went on.

**********

If there wasn’t something called ‘expectation’ in this world, there would be no disappointments, no anger, no misunderstanding, no break-up of relationships and so on. At the same time, there would be no successes, no love, no achievements, no inventions and so on. Hence, it’s not the expectation that is good or bad by itself; it is just our inability to handle expectations.

In simple words, an expectation is a demand that WE develop on HOW OTHERS should think, respond or act, and WHAT OTHERS should do. Hence the very idea of expectation is prone to pains or disappointments. Here, WE do not have a direct control over results because we are not the players but we want OTHERS to do something in the way WE want and give us the result that WE desire. You are not a jockey, but you want the horse to run on the right track and win the race. That’s a clear mismatch.

Whenever we expect something from someone, a very common mistake that we do is we forget that the person from whom we are expecting from is also an INDIVIDUAL on this planet. He or she has a brain that thinks, a heart that feels and a body that senses. Others may not accept to see from our eyes for they have their own pair of eyes to see.

A father wants his son to study something that he studied and became successful. A mother wants her daughter to become someone that she dreamt of becoming but couldn’t. A boss wants his subordinate to think and execute tasks as he does. A boy who expresses his love for a girl wants to hear ‘I too’ from her. A woman who blindly performs the hardest rituals wants the god to answer her prayers and grant her wishes. Nothing wrong in wanting; but it doesn’t work that way.

So, SHOULD WE STOP expecting? No, the question should be ‘CAN WE STOP’ expecting? I haven’t seen anyone with minimum intelligence without expectations. Unfortunately, all of us have that element called ‘intelligence’ in us. But it’s all about mending the intelligence to work FOR us; not AGAINST us.

When we know we cannot live without expecting from others, it is always wise to prepare others to meet our expectations, without hurting them. Parents never speak to their son or daughter on their expectations about getting them married to someone belonging to the same caste, religion, financial status and so on. One day, suddenly they get shocked or disappointed when they hear that their children loved or married someone different than what they expected. The children also get shocked to know that their parents’ did not accept this.

Not everything can be sensed or understood unless they are expressed and explained. Isn’t to wise to SET expectations from the beginning to avoid these shocks and disappointments in life. Almost the same happens with children’s studies, career and so on. It’s not about being right or wrong; it’s about being wise and minimizing miseries in life.

This is one side of the story. How about the others who CREATE expectations?

It's not always the fault of those who expect. It's also the fault of those who create expectations.

Without our knowledge, we sometimes create expectations in others. The children who are very obedient CREATE expectations in parents that they would listen to everything from their parents. The girl or the woman who treats her man above the god creates a false impression that she can sacrifice her life for him. The boy or the man who shows so much love and care at the beginning makes his partner think he has no other world to deal with. The employee who shows high dedication and enthusiasm at work makes his boss rely completely on him or her.

But they all forget: interests change, dedication fades, the ego develops, ‘taken for granted’ attitude arises, boredom builds up and the same child, the same girl, the same man, the same employee starts looking different. Of course, they might have not told explicitly that they would be obedient, loyal, caring, loving, super-performing and so on for the entire lifetime. But they definitely CREATED expectations through their words and actions. And when all those start diminishing, the other side starts getting disappointed.

Not everything is expressed or explained verbally; a few matters are just sensed and (mis)understood by the other end. One may argue that ‘I did not CREATE expectations. They just developed it themselves.’ But the damage is damage. It hurts. Isn’t it wise not to create expectations when they cannot be fulfilled until the end?

Expectations are neither good nor bad by themselves. We just fail to SET expectations to those whom we want to be as we wish and we fail to stop CREATING expectations in those that we cannot fulfill.

There is a NOBLE side of EXPECTATIONS; setting expectations to YOURSELF. I expect myself to be more sensible, more sensitive and kinder. This way, if I fulfill my expectations, I am happy and a better human being. If I can’t meet my expectations, I have no one else to blame but myself. And I’m sure we all love ourselves so much that we cannot easily blame ourselves.

Finally, should we stop expecting?

Well, that’s safe and you can avoid pains.

So, should we expect?

Well, it gives immense happiness when expectations are fulfilled and it depresses you when they are not.

Tough choice.