A Life Skill Called Acceptance

Wrong mix!

It happens most of the time. Life sells some unwanted, unexpected and undesired add-on products in the package. When we need just money from the job, it comes with stress. When we want just the joy of being loved, it brings some pains. The happiness of success demands sacrifice and hard work beforehand. Tasty junk foods come with the threat of spoiling health. The convenience that modern technology brings comes with so many dangers. While a child (and grown-ups who still have a child awake in them) is getting the joy of playing in soil and rain, the elders warn ‘Don’t play. You will catch a cold, infection..’ and so on.

Are life, nature and the system we have built around are so sadistic? Why don’t they just sell what we want to buy? Just painless love, just stress-free money, easy success, healthy and tasty junk food, no side-effect technology and so on. Why don’t we get just what we want!?

We get so many metaphysical, hypothetical and consoling answers and solutions. Some suggest that we ignore the undesired elements and take only the good part of it like the myth that the geese just drink milk and leave the water. Some others suggest that we must face everything we get. Does that really make even the undesired, unwanted products pleasant? No way. They may just divert us; but not completely nullify the stress, pain, ill-health and hard work.

We cannot expect the sun to emit only light that helps us see and not the hot rays that create sweat and irritation! Heat and light come in a package.

Ignoring is not always easy. Facing or fighting is sometimes hard. The nobler way is to accept and experience. The same question arises. Does it nullify the pain, stress or unpleasantness? No, it won’t but acceptance makes it tolerable. It prepares us to pass through the phase smoothly when ignoring or facing are not the options.

Parents’ and grandparents’ beliefs, practices and ideas sound obsolete, irrelevant and out of fashion. We call it the generation gap. But is labeling enough? How to fill the gap? Can we ‘accept’ at least whatever is possible? because even they had felt and accepted something odd and unnatural about us. There was a misunderstanding and two friends stopped speaking with each other because of some difference in opinion? We don’t have to accept their opinion. But are we mature enough to accept and continue the friendship? When the person whom you love and trust so much gives you pain for some reason and If we can accept the person, the relationship is saved. If you at least accept the pain, the life is saved.

Acceptance is preparing ourselves to take things and handle them smoothly. It's far better than ending ourselves up in bars, drowning in depression, creating friction, playing the blame game, or losing someone or something permanently for temporary reasons.

Pure acceptance doesn’t mean compromising. The very idea of compromise means accepting unwillingly. Anything that is done unwillingly neither gives happiness nor leads to success or the desired outcome. And no compromise can survive for a long time. You cannot wear a mask and act untrue of yourself forever. It suffocates you. You will fall apart soon. Hence, acceptance is a whole process of feeling the importance of something and someone, dropping our ego and allowing others’ words, feelings, wishes and happiness to sink deeply into yours. It needs a calm mind, a deeper introspection, and maturity.

Does it mean we should accept something even if it is immoral? Something that forces us to go against our character, our value system and beliefs? Well, we just need to be open enough to think that such ‘acceptance’ may also enrich and contribute to our character and value system.

Isn’t it fair to accept some pain from those who love us unconditionally? Isn’t okay to accept some anger of those who care for us so much? Isn’t it sensible to allow them to exercise some rights on us when they took our responsibilities for so long? In relationships, it is not who is right or what is right, it is about what is important.

I was listening to an old Hindi song एहसान तेरा होगा मुझपर written by Hasrat Jaipuri and some lines in the song made me think all this: तुमने मुझको हसना सिखाया रोने कहोगे रोलेंगे अब When something is beyond ignoring, beyond facing and beyond acceptance. The only way is to end it, if possible. But before ending, let's try the other options. And let's try them honestly.