Midnight Apologies

You were in deep sleep when I came to the bed. Not sure what dreams were running behind your closed eyes. Your face, as always, was filled with innocence and happiness. What brings you such a pleasant sleep? Is it the joyful tiredness of playing in the sands? is it the happiness of spending a day of being you? or the accomplishment of adding one more day of meaningfulness to your life? Maybe all of these.

I don’t know where my conscience sleeps throughout the day, why this guilt awakes suddenly at night, how the meaningless works that I involve in throughout the day hide my soul – all of them suddenly start questioning me with the questions that only I can answer for and that I can never answer for. I kept trying to get the answers; I kept thinking just to realize that one more day has ended, one more night has fallen.

Every morning deceives me giving a false hope and I pass on the same promise to you and to myself that I would give plenty of time to you today; I would make you happy; I would bring smiles and laughter in you; I would add some memories that you can recall when you become someone like me.

I often forget, who am I to give good time to you when you own all the goodness. I often forget, who am I to give the happiness when you are the creator of joy. I often forget that I am running in a vicious maze called life which just gives an illusion that I am almost at the exit and found my way out to reach you but it keeps sucking me in. I see you outside there; but I can’t reach you. One more day ends, one more night falls, I come to the bed helplessly after all the roles I play to the world, just to see that my world is sleeping.

A parade of guilty moments of the day passes quickly on the screen of my conscience. The moment you came near me to tell something that excited you but I signaled to remain silent as I was on a call, the moment you came to me to ask me to fix your broken toy but I drove you away telling that I was at the verge of completing a report, the moment when you came to me to ask me to tell a story but I convinced and sent you back I would tell it after ten minutes. Those ten minutes never got over. That eleventh minute never came. One more day ended, one more night fell.

I know that the sands of time just slips out of my hand without my knowledge. I know, these disloyal walls keep changing the calendars I know you will grow. You will grow beyond my arms to hug. You will go beyond my vicinity to make you feel my tears. You will get your wings and you will fly.

I will remain here, looking back at my stupid worldly transactions that handcuffed my wish to be with you when you were with me and that blindfolded my eyes from seeing you when you were right in front of me.

I make up my mind to be with you. I wake up with same promise made to myself. I hope one more day doesn’t end and one more night does fall like their predecessors.