Positive Jealousy

He is taller than me. She has got golden brown eyes. He’s well-built. What an amazing smile she has got! He is so handsome. She’s so rich...and the list goes on. If there were no comparisons and competitions, the world would have been entirely a different place to live.

Simply put, if we compare ourselves with others who have something that we wish we had and feel sad (or angry) about it, we call it jealousy! We have a bad habit of BIFURCATING everything into GOOD or BAD. But we must understand, most of the aspects in the world are in GREYSCALE, not just BLACK n’ WHITE.

Since we have to put jealousy into one of the two buckets, we put it into BAD bucket. Hold on!! There can be a positive jealousy too. It just depends on what you are jealous about and how you handle it.

You may have observed, we never develop this feeling with anyone far from our level or reach. A newly married girl never feels jealous if a bollywood couple goes even to Switzerland for honeymoon. But if her neighbour couple dines out in a nearby restaurant (and sets that as a status photo or DP), it upsets her mood! For a girl, it does not hurt if Katrina looks so gorgeous. But if the girl’s classmate has one pimple less than her, she starts feeling sad. With people far above us, we never compare, we never compete.

Let me get back to the title – Positive Jealousy.

Simply put, positive jealousy is doing exactly opposite to the examples above. One, not feeling sad comparing yourselves with mediocre things and people around you. Two, start comparing and competing with people way above your level, again without feeling sad or angry.

I know, it’s easy to blog such advices but difficult to follow. But let’s think. There are so many things beyond your control. You may want to be tall like Abhishek Bacchan, what to do, life doesn’t give you the option to choose Amitabh Bacchan as your father. You could not inherit the blue in your eyes, decorum in your voice, straightness in your hair, dimple on your cheek, rose in your lips from your parents. Those who are born with those features are beautiful, handsome, good-looking.. but what about us?

There are different ways of handling this. One, I don’t care because it’s not my mistake I’m born with ordinary or sometimes ugly features. Two, I try to grow tall, have an artificial blue lens, lip colour or go to an extent of plastic surgery to match myself with them. Three, I feel jealous and feel sad. You know what’s the wisest choice!

On the other hand, positive jealousy is all about comparing and competing ourselves with someone having better than what we have, which they have acquired not by birth or just because others donated to them, but something that they acquired through their hard work, perseverance and intelligence.

What an amazing style Paulo Coelho has in his writing! How could Buddha think something that is so relevant even after so many thousands of years!! How amazing is the thought process of Osho Rajneesh, Sam Harris, Chalam!! What an orator Martin Luther King was! How can someone be so determined as Bhagat Singh! How is it possible for anyone to earn such a huge respect by people in one’s lifetime as my father did! These are my jealousies, my positive jealousies or my inspirations.

Positive jealousy never lets you feel sad or angry. It just amazes you, inspires you and motivates you to go closer to them. When I know my appearance cannot attract, impress or inspire others, I should focus on my strengths. I should be kinder than I am. I should read more than I do. I should think better than before. My speech should be more interesting and meaningful. My smile may not be attractive, but words I speak should bring beautiful smiles on others faces. I know I am not handsome or beautiful. And I also know I am trying to hide them, but with a positive mean.

We can forcibly change ourselves. If a girl wears a natural sea green coloured lens, her eyes may look like Aishwarya’s. A simple hair straightener can make your hair same as the one’s you dreamt of. A plastic surgery can bend or straighten, shrink or grow any feature of your body. But at the end, I would say you were good before because.. you were you!

There's nothing wrong in developing jealousy. But all that matters is on what factors you are feeling jealous and how you respond to it and handle it. Lighter is in your hand - you can either light a candle or a cigar. Choice is yours!!