Being straightforward

You must have heard many people saying “I am very straight forward. I speak my heart. I can’t have something inside and speak something else. I can’t act. You may feel offended; but this is how I am, straightforward…” and so on. Observe the tone of their voice while telling this. Most of the people feel proud of being straightforward.

Honestly, I don’t choose to be straightforward most of the times. That shouldn’t make you jump the gun and come to a conclusion that I am not truthful. It’s just about being diplomatic. It’s easy to be straight forward. But when we evaluate its implications against diplomacy, we understand how costly your straightforwardness can be in your personal and professional lives, especially if you’re in a leadership position, either at home or at workplace.

You may interpret ‘straightforwardness’ as being truthful, honest and transparent. Well, I agree. On the other hand, since most of the people take the word ‘diplomacy’ in a negative sense, I would just like to tell, Diplomacy, simply put – is a way of being subtle, tactful, sensitive & going smoothly. We know bitter guard is good for health. But we prefer eating it cooked – baked or fried. Diplomacy is all about baking or frying your thought before expressing it. But straightforwardness is simply serving it raw.

If you express something like “I don’t like the colour combination of the dress you’re wearing” without the person asking your opinion, even if he or she is your bestest friend, that creates a small discomfort or embarrassment for some time. I know, that colour combination might have created an irritation in you, but why disrespect their choice as long as it doesn’t disturb or spoil the work or relationships!!

“I don’t like the way you work. You show no interest. You definitely need to improve if you want to survive here” says a boss to his subordinate. Observe how straightforward and how vague his comments are! We understand that the intention is good. But this straightforwardness is; first, loosening the bond with the employee by insulting him; second, there is no specific instructions or guidance on “what” to be improved and what is the expected “way” of working; third, boss has no idea of why the subordinate shows no interest. No root cause is found.

Does it mean one should never get angry? Should we never expect? Well yes, we have to. But, we should channelize a powerful emotion like anger properly. Don’t insult your precious anger by shouting it out. Preserve it. Postpone it and use it creatively. We should set expectation after knowing the capabilities and area of interest/expertise of the person or team. Perhaps you are expecting Usain Bolt to win a golf title.

The ideal way would be respecting the tastes, opinions and feeling of the person in front of you, understanding their perspective, true reasons for not meeting the deadlines or targets (better, taking proactive steps beforehand to avoid this), explaining your expectations beforehand and motivating, guiding and training to reach such expectations and finally, to polish our expressions.

If you say, “Who has time for all this?” I would say, “Then.. settle for mediocre results”