Keep happiness absolute; make sorrows relative!

"What's happiness according to you?" - one of my friends asked.

"Well, the feeling that you have now, after asking this question, that 'I' have asked a good question and the feeling that I will get, after answering this question, that 'I' have given a great answer" - is happiness.

Not clear? Anything that boosts your ego is happiness. Don't jump the gun and arrive at the conclusion that 'ego' is negative. I write a good story, I deliver a fine lecture, I prepare delicious food, I give an outstanding performance - people praise - my ego is boosted - I am happy.

I score marks which are more than sufficient, if could be shared, for three students to get promoted to the next class. I get promotions at work faster than my colleagues who joined with or before me. I earn double the money in half the time my father did. I own a car that accommodates strictly up to four people and costs more than fifty scooters on each of which small families of four people travel in India (200 people!!) - power, money, luxury - you have got it all - world fears, obeys, feels jealous and sometimes appreciates - my ego is boosted - I am happy.

When it rains, I stand in the balcony enjoying the petrichor from the earth and droplets sprinkling from the sky. I listen to a meaningful or melodious song, I just drive to a forest and spend time alone, I read something or watch a movie that brings smile on my lips and wets my eyes - My heart is filled - I am happy.

My child recovered from the illness and started playing as actively as before. There's limited food, I act stomach-full and let my sister eat my share. My brother achieved a rank or secured a job in a good company. I buy a new saree for my mother that I knew she had dreamt of getting but always acted as if it didn't matter - my loved ones are happy - I am happy.

You're happy in many ways, for many reasons - your success, your money, your power, your hobbies, your habits, your love for others, being loved by others and the list goes on. Some people classify them as inner happiness and external one (as though it's inner beauty and outer beauty). But for me, there is no such classification. It's all about continuously satisfying and boosting your ego - it just differs in the degree of ego, just the boundaries extend.

I feel happy when I see a person of my town in Bangalore. When I am alone, I may feel thrilled if I meet a Kannada speaking person in Sikkim. We forget Kaveri river issue and just feel happy when VIshwanathan Anand defeats Kasparov. When we cheer up Sachin, we do not remember the conflict we have with MES in Belagaum. Who knows! One day if we discover there's life in all the planets in our solar system and conduct an inter-planetary olympics, we may cheer up Pakistani player playing against Jupiter team. I, my family, my state, my country.. 'I' still remains - just the degree gets broadened. Happiness and ego cannot be separated.

When we speak about classification, there's nothing called 'inner' or 'external' - whatever the knowledge, skill, value system you have are all perceived from the world. Your internal is actually external. The 'external' is actually the accumulation of everyone's collective 'internal'. You might have thought something beyond and arrived at some conclusions; but the source is always the world. Just take happiness as it comes.

What is more important is 'Happiness Management'. Out of various forms and sources of happiness we have, be smart in choosing what happiness remains lasts forever or at least lasts longer. This is when being happy 'yourself' and allowing others to 'make you' happy comes. Others can be another person, life style or a thing.

We need to be smart in choosing happiness because life's arithmetic is different. We had a state of life, which was balanced - neither extremely happy nor painful. Then some great change occurred, you met a person, got an unexpected wealth or held a great position. Your life was then filled with happiness; happiness to the state of Euphoria. Then the time changed again. The person vanished, wealth exhausted or the position went back. Can you be in the same state of life as you were before these great changes had occurred? Certainly not! There was a 5. You added 2. Then you subtracted 2. It is same 5 as it was before. But you can't be in the same balanced condition after losing whatever you got midway. Life's keyboard doesn't have Ctrl Z. Be careful!

Does that mean we should never be open to happiness? No, just be strong to tell the life that I can fill any void with 'I' even if whatever was added to 'I' goes away.

When I was working in company, soon after I log in everyday on my workstation, we would get a pop-up asking 'Why are you happy today?' - the question implicitly means you are happy. I would always answer 'When I am happy, I do not want to waste time in analysing why I am happy. Instead, I want to use the same time in just being happy.' But if I am sad, I would definitely analyse for the root cause for my sadness. There are two benefits from that. One, you are deviating yourself from the sad mood and spending time in 'thinking' mode. Two, if you really get an answer, you can avoid the reason that causes sadness next time,

There's one good thing about being sad. You know that there's a happiness coming next. It's like Friday more exciting than Weekend. We know something great is coming ahead (than being in Sunday and constantly being pinched that it is going to end and Monday will come up). So, be happy when you are sad.

If happiness of others make you sad, it's jealousy. If sadness of others makes you happy, it's sadism. Keep your happiness absolute. It should not be compared with others. Like you, your happiness has its own identity. What is happiness to others may be a torture for you. What you find happiness in, may sound stupid to others.

Make your sorrows relative. Keenly look at others and compare theirs because there are people with more sorrows than you. It shows that you are not alone. You do not have to develop self-pity and start acting as though the sky is falling. Watch them carefully to see who is just suffering and who is fighting the sorrows. This gives you the right way to handle sorrows.

What about comparing our sorrows with others with smaller ones and feeling sad that we have bigger ones? Not a bad question. Let me think how to answer this question :-)